Wednesday, November 01, 2006

The closer it came I really thinking about my family and how they would get along without me. I really didn't think I would die. I just felt that there were things in my life that needed to be tied up. I knew that my family would be lost with them and would not know where to get the proper information. I begin to write down things that I had knowledge and not intentionally keeping from my husband, but things that he really never dealt with. I wrote the Insurance and amounts, account #'s, phone numbers, address and pertinent information that would need at a glance. I listed the information to the court house to get a death certificate and listed 10 copies while he was there. I knew that each Insurance and any mortgage and bank account would need a official copy of the death certificate. That would save My husband time and trouble. I have a wonderful husband but any extra effort would not be in his realm of thinking without having knowledge to bring to mind. I also know that in the state of Louisiana that in the event of death that the assets are frozen and can take 8 to 12 weeks to get the assets together. I another bank account in my husband's name only and Transferred all funds into that account. That way he could live financially and not wait for the freeze to be lifted. I listed all items that could be and needed to be found and where to find them. That included my husband's personal belongings. My belongings that I wanted to be left to which children and what needed to be done on a daily basis. Bills when they were due addresses and wrote it all out so my husband could pick up after I was gone. I also had my son's schedule written down and where to find things that pertained to him. We went to have a family portrait taken and a few of me alone for my children to have a recent picture. I also wrote a letter to each child and it was personal to them of the love that I have for them and that I was proud of each one. The dreams and my plans that I had for them. If at any point that their Dad wanted to remarry do not stand in his way and let him know that they trusted his judgment and realize that I don't want him to live the rest of his life alone. They still needed a family and a woman in his life would give them the strengths that only a woman can provide. I felt that I had everything in order. The hard thing was that I had to translate all this to my family members. We the day came and It was time and I took my son (we adopted him) at that time age 7 years old and I explained what was about to happened and read him the letter. That after noon I talked to my husband and he flipped out. He begin to tell me that I wasn't going to have the surgery and how could I put my family on the line, how selfish I was. After he had calmed down I explained to him about the prior conversation that we had and how miserable I was having all this weight on me. How embarrassing it is to go to the bath room and not have help to wipe. When you get really big the arms won't reach to do any general hygiene. I cannot get into the bath tub and sit down, I cannot get up. I cant go to many places to eat there isn't a booth big enough to get into. They aren't made for big people. I cannot go to McDonald's for my grandchildren's birthday. I can't go on family vacations I have to sit in the car while the family gets out to hike or site-see. I was looking at a wheel chair and my life has no meaning now and would get less and less. I was ready for my last chance. And besides I was in a win, win situation. I know the Lord and if by some chance I didn't make it I would go to heaven and I will have a new body and not suffer any more and if God saw fit for me to live I will have a new body and be able to enjoy life with my family. For you to forbid me to not have the surgery is you being selfish, your trying to hold on to me even though I'm not happy in this life. If I can have a better life, I believe I would have to give you that chance if it were you. Besides I really didn't really believe that I would die. I was just concerned with taking care of things In case I didn't. I did not want to Die and leave you all in a turmoil. My Older children had the same reaction. Well, that was finally over. I can get back to being excited.
The Surgery date is February 26th 2002. Whooo hooo.

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