Sunday, September 24, 2006

My Journey!
Hello, My name is Karen am 50 years old and I live in Louisiana. I had a weight loss surgery on March 5th 2002. It was and still is the best decision I had ever made concerning my weight. I had lived the biggest portion of my life over weight. I guess at age 8 I was really beginning to show a problem was under way. My mother was dragging me around to different stores trying to fine clothes to fit me. At that time chubby clothes were not very plentiful. I was extremely embarrassed over the conversations that my mother would have with every sales lady in every store. I could have easily given up and went to the house, But not my mom. She was definitely on a mission. She was very determined to not go home empty handed. I was hounded at school everyday from other kids that didn't like chubby girls. Many days I could have just melted in my desk from feeling like I didn't belong. I was beginning to feel that I didn't belong at home either. It seems that the harder people would make fun of me the more I would eat, (For comfort). My mother would try to watch what I was eating and it really didn't seem to help. My metabolism wouldn't burn off the calories. It was starting to turn into a drive to eat everything, The more my mother would keep it from me the more I wanted it. It was to a point that I begin to sneak it and wake up in the middle of the night to eat. I could eat in the middle of the night and no one would say hurtful things to me about eating. Pretty soon I decided to eat very little in the daytime and do my serious eating in the night time. I seemed that the eating was what I could control in my life. I was always above average in height and I could carry my weight well and when it showed I was extremely over weight. With the depriving me when I was young started more sever problems with me, I then begin to binge eat and eat everything at one time. I was always bigger than my piers and choosing teams I was always the left over one that no one wanted. I believe that the eating is the result of sexual abuse that I tried to cover up through my childhood. My father had started abusing me when I was 2 years old and it ended when I was 10 years resulting in the divorce of my parents. My world was turned upside down. I had to leave the home that I loved to move into a 2 bedroom duplex with no air conditoning, I believe it was the hottest summer I had ever had. My mother was now working two jobs to support us and my sister blamed me for her world's disaster. I begin blaming myself. I was so alone (me and food). My mother remarried when I was almost 12, to a drunk that was always blaming others for his down falls. He begin to beat my mother and threaten her with knives and guns. I could remember things flying around and breaking. For him this was normal with anger out of control. By the time I was 14 my mother divorced him and I was fatter. Stress - food was comfort, The feeling of no love - food was comfort, being ridiculed by your piers-food was comfort. My sister would look at me as if she hated me. I was the 1 and only reason that her world was not working for her. The worse thing about it Is I'm not 14 anymore and she still lookes at me the same way. Needless to say nothing I do is exceptable to her at all. I lived through a few divorces that showed I followed my mother's footsteps and made wrong choices. I think I was just trying to hard to make it right and continued to make it wrong. When I was 38 I found the love of my life, Thanks to God!! I finally gave it to him and he chose my husband. We have a very good marriage. The only thing was I was way over weight. I had surgeries on both knees and both ankles and both feet, due to my weight. My Dr. said that the weight was messing up the surgeries and there would be nothing else that he could do. He sat me down and told me the truth about my life and here is what he said. Within 5 years I would be in a wheel chair and in a wheel chair I would continue to get bigger because of the lack of exercise, bottom line he gave me possibly An additional 5 to 7 years. There would be no quality of life. He's suggestion was to do something about my weight now, while I still have a opportunity to do something. I begin to research the internet for my options. I will be back tomorrow to discuss my options.


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